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Input please, I am at a crossroads...

topic posted Fri, January 28, 2005 - 11:51 PM by  Eirias
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Here's my situation:
I have read all that data at Ibogaine Dossier and Erowid and elsewhere. I am experienced with entheogens ranging from peyote and ayahuasca to ketamine, 2CB, DMT, 5MeO, 2CT7, etc., so such alternate states are not entirely foreign to me. I am also familiar with individuals, at least to some degree, involved in the coordination of both the Iboga Therapy House in Vancouver as well as the Ibogaine Association in Rosarito. I offer this info in order to give some idea as to my background, as avoid advice such as "you need to read this", etc.

While I was once quite the active psychonaut, once my habituation to opiates became prominent in my life I now use entheogens only rarely, like 1-3 time per year. I have been using opiates (Mexican heroin) for around 5 years, and would say I've been metabolically dependent for about 3 and 1/2 years (meaning that I require the chronic administration of the drug in order to function and avoid withdrawl syndrome). I have tried a few different techniques to cease my dependence, including methadone taper, hydrocodone taper, "cold turkey" ranging from relying on meds like TheraFlu/benzos/sedatives to not even a single aspirin or vitamin (while incarcerated), attempts at increasing periods of abstinence from heroin in order to gradually reduce withdrawl, etc.

I have known about ibogaine since I was 14 (now 26), from reading about the Bwiti, and have known of its reported antiaddictive qualitites for about 7 years. After a long and challenging effort, I've finally been able to obtain for myself ~1gram of 98% pure HCl, thanks in great part to caring and compassionate friends. While anticipating finally being able to hold the medicine in my two hands, I just sort of assumed that I would consume it within a few days of it's arrival, experience the effects, and then begin my new existence free from the burdens of habituation. But once I obtained it, a myriad of issues, fears and concerns arose which made me so apprhensive as to put off taking it until the present (it came to me over 6 months ago).

Chief among the concerns were 1) my fear of failure-- what if I took it and it didn't work or I relapsed soon thereafter?-- and 2) what if I am unable to take it in a pseudo-clinical setting, and complications emerge? I am full aware that ibogaine was scheduled in the US in a sweep of hysterical legislation which included the prohibition of such equally obscure substances as bufotenine and DET, and not as a result of its abuse or lack of safety. Additionally I understand that therapies such as ultra-rapid opiate detox have a much higher mortality rate than ibogaine. However, what I cannot avoid is the fact that I have next to zero interpersonal support, and that ibogaine is still in its experimental stages of research and application.

It is up to me to come to terms with my fear of failure or any other psychological baggage that may be an obstacle to my treatment. But I want to take the medicine in the safest setting possible and ensure the greatest chance for success as well.
My former companion attempted to undergo the treatment with me as her sitter last August. She became extremely nauseous and vomited up 5 of the 6 capsules (which were not yet dissolved and thus able to be recovered), so her maximum ingested dose couldn't have been more than ~150 mg. After vomiting bile for hours and moaning in agony, she then slept for several more hours, and upon waking experienced some clairvoyant phenomena and introspection. She consumed her next dose of opiates some 24-28 hours after ingestion (this is strongly cautioned against in the literature I realize, but she was complaining of withdrawl symptoms and had only ingested less then 20% of her ibogaine dose). But for the next week, although still using opiates, both her cravings/desire to pursue and consume opiates was greatly diminished, as well as the size of her dosages. This trend continued for about 8 days, during which she described the insights and contemplative reflection she experienced under the ibogaine, after which she gradually returned to her previous usage patterns.

This is the only direct account I have with a dependent opiate user attempting to detox with ibogaine, and frankly the violent nausea both frightened me (withdrawl even seemed better) and made me worried that I too would vomit up my dose before it was absorbed. Clearly, we are all individuals and each subjective experience is unique, so I don't necessarily expect to encounter the same situation. My concern is to be as prepared and safe as I can, but it appears as though I have no one that is willing or able to "babysit" for me and make sure I'm alright. I don't particularly fear death (though I'm not suicidal), but I would prefer not to go out while trying to detox-- something about it makes it all feel futile. I should also add here that I have no contraindicated preexisting conditions that would rule against ibogaine therapy, and my EKG and blood pressure are both normal. I have not had a liver panel in 2 years, but my last one was normal (visit to the emergency room for kidney pain, turned out to be low potassium with too much Rx adderall in system elevating blood pressure) and I know that I do not have cirrohsis nor any strain of hepatitis.

So after all this, what I'm asking is what can I do? I can't afford to go to the Mexico clinic, even with a discounted fee, I legally cannot travel to Canada, and my companion whom I described above is moving out of state. Every "trusted friend" I ask to watch me acts really enthusiastic at first, but then something always comes up (they are afraid/paranoid of having a 'junkie' dead from an "experimental schedule-I psychedelic" on their hands, the length of time required is too great, etc.).
I want to experience ibogaine and overcome my habit more than anything-- my life ceases to have meaning, and I feel like a "shell", and exoskeleton of what once was a human. I am a slave to my metabolism, an automaton following a onerous, looping program. I used to have so many goals and interests and creative projects, but thinking of them now feels like I'm thinking of a deceased, once beloved pet-- a sad and ultimately futile drift into nostalgia. What's more, the thought of working so hard and imploring the grand efforts of so many in order to get this far and actually obtain the ibogaine, and not to be able to use it properly (or to use it and fuck up), well that feels like a failure in and of itself.

I don't know what I'm asking for-- maybe some encouraging words, perhaps some clarity or a plan of action, maybe I'm simply sorting out my thoughts. I know that some of you out there have either used iboga(ine) and overcome your habits, or work assisting people who have, so I guess it's worth a try.
Sorry this is so long. It's not easy for me to sort though this dilemma in words.
--Love and Light, Eirias aka Neight
posted by:
Eirias
SF Bay Area
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  • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

    Sun, January 30, 2005 - 8:41 PM
    Sorry to hear about your tale of woe. I'll offer what meager advice I can.

    First of all, all the accounts I've read of Ibogain as a pacifier for addiction have had one major thing in common: it didn't work. They always tell of heroin addicts falling back into their dark use cycles after a short period of time.

    In general, I think that the answer to drug addiction is not likely to be another drug. The primary factor in being able to quit is sincerely wanting to do it. If you really want to quit, and then you take the Ibogain, I be you'll do a hell of a lot better than if you take it and hope that it will magically alleviate your problems.

    I think the only real solution here is for you to get locked up again, be forced to detox, and then gird your will against falling back into the old patterns. Sorry to say, but as with any addiction, if you're hearts not in quitting, nothing will work. Ibogane is not a magical solution. At best, it may alleviate the DT's for a day or two.
  • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

    Mon, January 31, 2005 - 12:15 AM
    Dear Sufferer, I would suggest that the ONLYway besides jail is to seriously start to cut your dosage in half. take half as much each time you regularly take your dosage. and dont waver.it will feel uncomfotrtable for the first few days,and then you probably will be suprised at how your body will get used to the changesIN A WEEK OR SO,.stay at that dose for as long as you dare,a week or two. then once your body is used to the half a dose then cut in half again,only when you are really ready to do it,and if you do it right you will feel no worse than when you cut it back the first time,just keep cutting it in halfe each time your body gets used to the new lower dose.dont do it untill your body adjusts to it,a week or 3,at each new dose ought to do it,it will also take ALL of YOUR discipline and desire to do this thing.AND DONT CHANGE THE TIMES THAT YOU DOSE.KEEP THEM REGULAR,JUST VERY SLOWLY CUT THE DOSE IN HALF, IT DOSE WORK!.YOU CAN DO IT!. you may need some drugs do help out in the end WHEN YOU FINNALY GET OFF THE STUFF,such as darvon-n 100mlgrm .100 tabs or so.valuims or xanax or both. for spasams. catapress , also called ( CLONADINE) will help with pounding heart and chest heavings.it is a blood pressure med. I would get all these and have them for when you get to the point of jumping off the H,it will make it better.you may have to take 6-8 darvons 4 times a day FOR THE first week off H. along with the other pills,you could use some sleepers too..If you were out hear IN cALIF. I would help you myself,having been there where you are exactly before.YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU HAVE TO DO IT THAT WAY. YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU REALLY WANT IT,IT WILL SAVE WHAT IS LEFT OF YOUR LIFE FOR SURE.i HAD TO GET OFF THE HORSEY RIDE MYSELF ONCE AFTER 17 YEARS ON IT ,,AND IT WAS NOT EASY,BUT I DID IT,ONLY DO GET HURT ON THE JOB YEARS LATER,QUUUUUACK!! i WISH YOU LUCK AND WILL PRAY FOR YOU.SINCERLY ERIC
  • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

    Mon, January 31, 2005 - 9:27 AM
    Dear Eirias (aka Neight),

    You are far from just the reflection of what you feel you once were. It took real courage and willpower to write what you wrote here. As a matter of fact, the fact that you are sharing this with us is fulfilling a great purpose. Thank you! No realy, THANK YOU!

    You are very wise to proceed as you have detailed here. Both previous posts are filled with important words for you to consider. As I learn more about Iboga(ine) myself, I too realise that it can only be considered as a 'crutch' in an effort which must take full root in your own psyche first and foremost, if it is to succeed in ever fully releasing you from this 'thing'... I can only support what you say here and encourage you to stay on that train of thought. Ride it out, you will GET THERE. From this point on, I will hold you in a place of compassion, support and admiration as you continue your 'journey'. Yes, it will continue, and yes, YOU WILL MAKE IT. I know YOU CAN DO IT. You know YOU CAN DO IT. I realise this may not be the practical kind of response you may have been looking for, but for what it's worth my friend, your writing is indicative of a deeply intelligent human being who has the potential to achieve ANYTHING. These are merely words of encouragement, but they are true and meant from the bottom of my heart.

    On a side note: I have been examining the use use of ketamine as an anti-addictive as of late. I see possible usefulness of it as an intermediate... though ironically, ketamine is rather addictive itself. It may be easier to get off ketamine though than it is to get off H. Just something to think about.

    Love, light and everything inbetween,
    d.
    • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

      Fri, February 4, 2005 - 7:17 PM
      Sending support to Eirias as well and info that William S. Burroughs was said to use Lotus flower (white or blue-doesn't matter) to assist with his heroin addiction. Certainly i'd be less worried about that being used than using k as a solution.
  • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

    Wed, March 30, 2005 - 11:49 AM
    Thanks everyone-- That was sort of a tough day when I wrote that, most are actually somewhat better. Since writing the previous post, two of my heroin-dependent friends have fully stopped with the aid of Suboxone (buprenorphine and naloxone in a sublingal tablet), which is a possiblity for me to use as well in the next few weeks.
    However, that more I think about it, the more I feel that ibogaine came to me for a reason and that it somehow is the path to recovery that is most suited for me as an individual. I have been communicating with a variety of folks in the field, and want to make arrangments to undergo the treatment sometime soon. It somehow sems more tangible to dive in to the ibogaine experience if I can look at Suboxone as a second alternative should the ibogaine fail to yield the desired results. It almost like thetre's something for me to learn form the ibogaine that I ned to experience.
    Anyways, thank you for your honest and compassionate responses.
    -Eirias
    • Trite platitudes

      Thu, March 31, 2005 - 1:26 PM
      Is there any thing we could write...
      "Choose life, my brother" and enter through the ibogaine doorway.

      Oh yeah and about that Ibogaine... could try the dose rectally for ease of passage. Maybe some gravol too. Happy journeying!
      L
  • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

    Mon, April 4, 2005 - 2:51 PM
    Hi neigthen!

    Firstly I agree with what the above posters have said to a great extent - you MUST want to stop (from your post it seems like you do). If you really want this then Iboga can be of tremendous assitance. I know because I speak from experience.
    Cut your dose down - this is very good advice, and the method given above is very good. It'll build your will power too which is a big plus before taking iboga - to believe in yourself.

    I guess everybody experiences it differently and yes - many do go back to their addiction. Sometimes the treatment should be repeated. I can tell you about my experience.

    I was on and off the shit (H) for 6 years. You know the story so I'm not gonna get into it. I went to amsterdam to buy my iboga. I got 25 grams of powdered rootbark. I wasn't actively addicted or using then so I made a real sacred mission of the whole trip to get the Iboga. I hitch-hiked there from Poland and back again. It was a good time for reflection and I really felt my purpose - I was one with my purpose you could say. The way back was the best. Just cruising home in a very mellow reflective state with that bag of magick around my neck in a pouch. Every moment of the trip was filled with my intention - to beat this genetically rooted demon inside me. You know neigthen, it's true about iboga - it has a spirit. If you open your body (temple) to that spirit then it'll work for you.

    I got back home and started preparing for my experience. I'm fortunate cos my mom was all for it and I had my girlfriend who was going to sit with me. None of them are experienced with iboga or no much about it, but hey sometimes faith is all it takes. Well I spent the first day fasting. Eating only a little fruit and drinking as much water as I could. It is important to clean your system out. I know you are actively addicted, but atleast get all other toxins out of your body. Cut your dose down - as mentioned in one of the above posts. Most importantly don't do any Heroin for atleast 12 hours before taking the iboga.
    Well back to my story. So I fasted for the first day and night. I carried that pouch of iboga around my neck, resting on my heart, all the time. I spoke to it, welcomed it, burnt insence for it. I'm telling you - just this little ritual gave me so much! I knew what I was doing and why. The next day I didn't eat anything, only drank water in the morning. Again the day was spent on meditation and getting into a submersive state. That evening I took 2 grams of the rootbark. I was recommended by the guy I got it from to do it this way. 2 grams at first. I placed it in my mouth, and thought: "welcome to my temple spirit of iboga, Bwiti. Feel at home here, I give you my hand of friendship. I have much to learn from you and many things to resolve." As i sat their, with the iboga powder in my mouth, I felt it start penetrating me. The rootbark is very bitter and makes your mouth zing - kinda like cocaine or sth, but different. slowly as I was swallowing the iboga bit by bit, I felt the zing radiating through my head then my throat, my stomach, until my whole body was buzzing. I lay down and just let it take me. It wasn't intense at all. When I closed my eyes I felt as if I was floating on air or on an ocean. My thoughts were very clear. When I opened my eyes I felt normal, I could walk, speak with my mom, I even had some tea. As soon as I lay down again - bam, just this feeling of control and serenity. It lasted for about 4-5 hours maybe and I guess you could compare it the come-on effect of mushrooms.
    I slept very well that night. Woke up in the morning feeling fresh and bright. My mind was clear and I was determined to go to the next level hehe. I just chilled that day. Had some light food, spoke with my mom and bro and girlfriend. meditated and thanked iboga for excepting my friendship.
    The next day I didn't eat anything and in the late afternoon took 4 grams. Again same procedure as before - humbleness, that's what I felt towards my little ritual and the iboga. I swallowed it more quickly this time and went for a walk :) I lived on a farm with my folks then so I went straight to the forest. Man it was amazing. The trees were alive - yes I know they are, but they were communicating. The air was alive. everything had so much dimension to it. I walked around one tree a couple of times just being blown away by it's image (just this plain fact that it is 3 dimensional). I hugged it and it hugged me back. Not a hallucination, just this feeling of mutual love. I went back home and talked to my mom and brother about what I was experiencing. It was good to have them there. I felt so compassionate for them. I was so happy and laughing. Eventually i lay down and started having some very nice thought patterns. All about the wonder of life and my role in it. Later I had tea and had a bit of a trip out session with traces my hands were making in front of my eyes. Also easy sleep and a fresh wake up the next day.
    So this was my big day. Ola, my girlfriend arrived. Again I ate only a very little bit of fruit. We spent the day talking and preparing. That evening I sat down in a lotus posture took my magic spoon (no not silver, but wooden ;) prayed, focused and started consuming the rootbark. I took 4 grams, then when that was down I took another 4. I relaxed a bit and let it digest for a while. just as the buzzing started I ate more. i continued to eat the iboga spoon by spoon until I couldn't stomach anymore. I must've eaten about 14 grams by then. I felt a very strong overwhelming feeling - not unpleasant, but I had to lie down on my back. Ola was there caressing my hand and smiling inspirationally. We exchanged a few words. I ate another 2 spoons of the bark and closed my eyes. I felt ok. I knew what I was doing and why. I knew this was gonna be a strong trip so for as long as possible I kept my intentions firmly rooted. I felt a bit nauseaous and I threw up a little. It felt good. Part of the process I guess. Anyway the visions started coming on slowly. I was just lying there with a smile on my face apparently. The last words I muttered to ola were: "are you still alive?" of course she answered, and you? I think I just nodded. Many things were flashing through my mind. I started seeing myself, as an addict, from many different perspectives. I saw myself as an addict from a perspective of me (only younger) before I'd gotten into heroin. I felt what I would have felt then towards a person (myself) who blindly poisons himself and sticks needles in his arms. It repulsed me - that thought of sticking a needle into my arm. I saw myself from my parents perspective. How they see their loved son blindly destoying his life and I felt their sorrow and helplessness. I saw myself through the eyes of my dear girlfriend, who loves me so much and has so much hope in me. I felt what she felt each time I lied to her, each time she saw me smacked. I saw myself through her eyes - a blind self-centred egotistic madman. I'm not sure but I think I had tears coming down my cheeks then. And that's it. I don't know what else happened cos I don't remember anything else. It must have been about 4 or 5 hours from ingesting the iboga when I just blanked out. I think I may have fallen asleep or something, but apparently my eyes were wide open and dazed. I remember my mom coming into my room in the morning. The rest of that day was very weird. I was tripping till late the next evening - everything was vibrating each time I winked and the traces were heavy. I felt very peaceful though and as the weirdness started diminishing I felt like my goal was achieved.

    I don't know why I don't remember the whole experience. I have about 6 or so missing hours. It's not important to me. What is important to me is that I was conscious of not drinking a cup of coffee the next morning because I hadn't eaten much and all those stomach acids digesting that coffee and causing indigestion really bugged me. That's how my thought pattern went when I reached for the coffee. No subconscious urge could black it out. I was aware of it being unhealthy and was naturally repulsed by it.
    It was an amazing affirmation for me. I tried very hard to get into a heroin mood - thinking about it and so forth. i just couldn't. That tingle that most often turned into an uncontrolable urge was gone.

    It has been 7 months since my iboga experience and I've lived it free. I've had my bad days, my downs, my heroin dreams. I've been in touch with addicts on the street and even in contact with gear. I even went so far as to administer some to a girl who couldn't manage on her own. I did it to show her that it can be done (resolve the addiction). I know now what I'm playing for here and what is to be lost. No depression, no bad hair day, no anxiety is worth sacrificing it for.

    You see neigthen, this is what Iboga has given me - the ability to remember what my highest purpose is and why I am here.

    OK, so this is one success story ::) I've heard and read many more. You have the HCl so you can't approach it the way i did. Be sure not to take all of it cos that can kill you. If you really have 98% pure than check what the dosage should be. It goes by mg/kg body weight. Worthwhile remembering that we all react differently to psychoactive substance. You could be a massive body builder and be sitting in the corner with your thumb in your mouth crying for your mom after half a lsd blotter.

    neighten, I think you should firstly convince yourself that you want take the iboga and know exactly why you want to take it. Then set yourself a "date" - make it realistic, but aim for it! Cut down as much as you can on the H. Drink lots of water and eat light healthy and nutritous food. Believe in yourself and your purpose! Make a ritual of your TIME leading up to the "date". Conserve you energy and utilize it for meditation and prayer. What you put into the experience is what you're gonna get out.

    This is 3 months after you wrote this topic so I hope you are still considering the iboga, because despite of what some say - it CAN give you that edge.

    Love and Freedom
    • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

      Fri, April 8, 2005 - 4:18 AM
      wow Afghan, what a beautiful story! thx so much for sharing that.

      It's so good to see someone articulate their experience in such a way as a lot of those who taken ibo often have issues with decribing the experience in depth. I've even had issues with writing about my experience and haven't really gone into as much depth as I could have when I wrote cause it's so deeply personal and there's also that element of forgetting that sometimes comes into play. I feel like it's gonna be something that forever unfolds in my lifestory...

      Neight,

      I hope you get some inspiration from this cause this brother's got it right. All of the points listed here are important considerations.

      I agree that cutting your dose down will help, cleansing, hydrating and fasting beforehand (from food plus 12 hrs for the h too), taking an antinauseant such as 150 mgs of Gravol (dimenhydrinate) at least 1 hour before will help you keep it down long enough for your body to absorb it, a test dose of 100 mgs 1 hour after the gravol will let you know if there's any allergy to it, having your sitter take temp, blood pressure and pulse before and after the test dose plus every 1/2 hour after the full dose is important to monitor to make sure everything's ok...

      all of the technical issues and details can be found in the manual for ibogaine therapy at : www.ibogaine.org/manual or on doraweiner.org so i won't go into too much detail about that stuff here, mostly i just wanna respond to some other things::

      1) if you can't find someone to sit with you who is both willing to be supportive thru your journey, willing to inform themselves of the process fully and willing to take you to the hospital or deal with medical authorities in case of an emergency, then WAIT until you do

      2) If you're worried about the nausea, what is it that worries you?

      If you take the antinauseant beforehand, you should be able to hold it down until it's been mostly absorbed. The fear of it not working is normal, everyone i've treated has the same fear, but if it's absorbed and there aren't any other complications then it should work well to remove the withdrawals (especially if it's good quality ibogaine and on that note, I hope you've been storing it well) ...

      Not everyone who takes ibo get's the extreme purge. I'm still trying to correlate what types of peeps get the purge, what drugs or doses they've taken or were habituated to and what kind of issues they have to face...so I couldn't say who gets it or why but i suspect it also has something to do with a fear of looking deeply at themselves and/or the degree of trauma they have to deal with perhaps.

      3) if you really do feel resistant to taking it, is it because you don't think it will work or is there something else to it?

      Ibo can be a pretty heavy trip for some (it's not called the ancestor for nothing) but it can also be a very beautiful experience. It takes a great deal of courage to step into a journey that can potentially be so powerful and last for so long but the rewards might be greater still and last a lifetime.

      Although not everyone who has taken ibo for detox purposes has succeeded in staying completely abstinent forever, i've seen many who have claimed that it was definately a beneficial experience even if it was hard. It may not be realised right away, as some have only admitted it weeks later when they've had time to remember and integrate the experience but basically for some it has helped them to realise what might work for them in the next try, or made them stronger in some way...

      I think it's important for you to decide what you need from this journey and figure out if ibo will be a good tool for you in this process.

      It's also very important to trust yourself and heed your instincts, if it scares you at the moment to think of taking it then wait.

      The power to heal and transform lies within you and ibo is a tool but not the only one available to you. Your internal resources are the most powerful keys to your self mastery babe.

      Love

      ~cubix
      • Re: Input please, I am at a crossroads...

        Sun, April 24, 2005 - 2:04 AM
        Sharing your experience has been extremely helpful, Afghan, at in particular in terms of ritual and intent, etc. With all the medical precautions associated with using ibogaine specifically to interrupt a habituation, especially when this involves (as it typically does) the purified alkaloidal salt, it's easy to dissociate the substance from its spiritual origins and connotations and to overlook this aspect of its effects. The compassion, respect, and discipline you offer the substance is so inspiring, and reminds me of when my relationship with entheogens was more proactive and I would always make a conscious effort to consume the sacrament(s) in a ritualized and spiritual context that was meaningful and significant/symbolic for me, upon having realized the benefits of doing so.
        Nausea is not something I fear in particular, although the nausea from ingesting dried psilocybian mushrooms would occasionally produce some anxiety which I would have to deal with and transcend toward to beginning of the trip (this actually happened on enough occasions that I consciously would avoid mushrooms as a potential entheogenic candidate, in spite of enjoying the sujective psychedelic effects they induced and having had very powerful spiritual experiences with them) . Having experienced the nausea from such things as Peyote, ayahuasca, way too much Syrian Rue (over 3.5 grams powered with an equal amount of P. cubensis), Hawiian Baby Woodrose Seeds (these were the worst of all nausea-wise!), all of the aforementioned without vomiting as well, and also the horrific nausea of being dehydrated during peak heroin withdrawl (3 days in) and retching yellow-green bile almost to the point that one cannot breathe in between the stomach's quivering pushes, I think that whatever ibogaine can dish out in terms of nausea I can cope with and overcome, even if it's via sheer will alone. I offer these examples simply to illustrate both that I am no stranger to nausea-inducing substances, and that I have been able to transcend/ "tough out" even the most extreme of these examples.
        The whole nausea issue, as it were, was instigated by my female friend's experience with ibogaine that I described above in the title post. However, now that some time has passed since that experiment and I am free from her "suggestions" (which were based completely on her individual experience alone) that there was "no way" that I could have a pleasant or even semi-tolerable experience with ibogaine, period, I now realize that her situation was very unique. Plus, having known this person for several years (and witnessing the way she would respond to situations such as opiate withdrawl), I believe that the combination of fear, a belly full of grapes (she was eating them nervously immediatley after taking the capsules of ibo), some degree of nausea from the compound, and most importantly her self-perpetuation of the symptom(s) created a state of continual nausea that she unconsciously was both "feeding" and even manifesting to some degree.
        I am not trying to make light of her experience, and if indeed she somehow is just one of those people that beside her best efforts becomes extremely nauseous from ibogaine, then I will retract my previous assertion that she was perpetuating the vomiting.

        The point I am at now is that I know that I intend to use the medicine (ibogaine) sometime, and between now and then can maximize my potential benefit when that time comes by taking steps right now. It makes perfect sense ( in fact it seems ridiculously obvious in hindsight) that ibogaine works best when utilized in a situation where several avenues of preparation have been followed leading up to the day of the ingestion. This not only works in the context of "intent", in that one is mentally/spiritually/psychologically "working up" to the transformative event horizon, but also in the sense that by making an actual pragmatic effort toward helping the "patient" reap the greatest possible reward from the session by getting healthly prior to the experience (diet, hydration, vitamins, and lowered dose of opiates) and also by creating a safe and proactive environment in which the ibogaine is consumed (i.e. blood pressure/pulse monitoring, using a test dose, and having a responsible and compaasionate sitter).
        It sounds silly, but somehow I feel less "powerless" or "helpless" toward the whole situation now then I previously did. I now understand that there are many different things I can do between the present and the date I decide to take the medicine that can help prepare me on a myriad of different levels. Somehow things aren't so polarized in terms of the ibogaine session representing this drastic and almost automatic (and frightening in that sense) Transformer of the Habit, and as such if I take it and relapse or it doesn't work or somehow don't end up 100% on the "other side of the fence", that I have totally failed, and let down myself as well as others whom I care about. If I looks at it terms of an opportunity for growth, and a catalyst for insight and change, and I have control over how much I can benefit from its ingestion, then obviously some thing positive and rewarding can and will come from its proper usage.
        And where does that leave me? I suppose somewhere between now and the future, figuring out what I can do to get the most out of this opportunity I have...

        PS-- The compound (approx. ~1800mg.) has been stored in an airtight vessel in complete darkness (not under inert atmosphere such as nitrogen or argon, however, just regular air but in a sealed container). For several months it was kept in this state in a freezer, but for the past 2 months or so it has been at room temperature (between 50-75 degress F), but has not been exposed to any hot temp extremes though. Is this good? It's still airtight (but not vacuum-sealed with all the air removed or whatever, there's still a bit of air in the container, but as little as there possibly can be i.e. just the space between the powder and the lid of the container which is about an inch) and in complete darkness, in a very dry environment, and the container is rarely if ever disturbed. Basically these are the same conditions I create with any and every psychoactive alkaloid powder I attempt to preserve the activity and potency of.
        Of these factors (air/O2, light, temperature, moisture), do you (Rubix) know which is/are the most detrimental to the HCl salt of ibogaine? The source claimed to be 98%+ pure, which from my understanding is about as pure as one can get ibogaine in a lab after extracting the alkaloids out of the T. iboga plant material, washing to remove other trace alkaloidal components (T. iboga rootbark is I believe 12-15% alkaloids by weight (!), and of those over 90% is ibogaine), and then xtallizing the HCl salt. To get above 98% I believe one must use a chromatography column-- I don't think that repeated washes/rextallization will cut it.
        Thank you Afghan and Rubix for all of your advice and suggestions and your openness in providing me with such information. And Dimi3, it means a lot to me that you are conveying such emotions and that you profess to honestly enjoy my "company", especially on days when one feels alone and in an uphill battle.
        --Eirias
        • 1800mg

          Mon, April 25, 2005 - 2:09 AM
          Thats a pretty big dose...
          L
          • Re: 1800mg

            Tue, May 3, 2005 - 11:48 PM
            That (approx. ~1800mg.) is the entire amount of ibogaine I hypothetically have available to me, not my intended dosage. For my individual body weight, considering the suggestions of those I've personally communicated with whom have therapeutically administered ibogaine for opiate habituation, as well as the dosage mg/kg guidelines provided at the Ibogaine Dossier, my theoretical dose would be between 800-1000 mg., this amount including the additional 1/10th (i.e. ~100mg.) of the full amount that would be utilized as the "test dose", to establish whether allegic symptoms precipitate or the subject otherwise exhibits adverse reactions to the compound.
            As of the present, I have not yet set a date for the experience, but I am consciously working on lowering my tolerance, organizing various aspects of my life, and otherwise attempting to embrace a healthier lifestyle, at least as much as I can while remaining habituated. If you care to hear about my progress, I'd be happy to share periodically up to the point of the bioassay date.
            Approaching the therapy as an event horizon in the future, for which I am preparing on multiple fronts, allows me to take a more proactive and "controlled" perspective on the whole thing, without feeling hopeless or as if I'm merely procrastinating. This is coupled with the fact that if I feel myself "slipping" after the therapy, or if it fails to completely remove my withdrawl symptoms, that after a sufficient "safety window" of time following the bioassay I can utilize Suboxone (sublingual tablets of buprenorphine and naloxone) as a back-up tool to help prevent a full relapse. By taking the time to establish a coherent strategy, I can help to better ensure the success of my efforts.
            • Re: 1800mg

              Sun, July 17, 2005 - 5:35 PM
              Aftercare is the key, iboga stops the addiction and most of the craving, but you need to develop yourself a new life to fill the void.